Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize