Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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