Porn is love you can see.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
