Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
