We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
