I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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