Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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