Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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