Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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