I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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