Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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