I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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