I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
