areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
