the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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