Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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