Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize