Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
