so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
