i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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