he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
