i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
