dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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