Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
