I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
