an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
