my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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