Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
