I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
