There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
