Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
