May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
