Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
