my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
