i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ok first of all what the fuck
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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