I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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