Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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