I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
