i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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