Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize