I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
