the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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