So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
