I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
