like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize