ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
