you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize