he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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