Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
