What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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