just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
