Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
