We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
