You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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