I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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