True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
