I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
