please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
