TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
