If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
