I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
