were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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