My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
