he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
