Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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