I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
