Sponge bath it is.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
