his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
