he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize