He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Houston, we have a blender
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
