I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
