she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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