porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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