There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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