people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
