found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
