Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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