I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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