I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
