Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize