i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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