Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
