I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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