for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
