I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
