I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
