Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
