I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
