party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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