Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
