my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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