Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she told me i tasted like america
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I did not marry a roomba.
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