I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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