my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize