Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
