So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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