I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
