He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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