1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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