i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
