I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
