He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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