do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
zippers are such a cool invention
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
