There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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