omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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